Tending to your own needs after separation
You may be going through a whole range of emotions like grief, sorrow, guilt, loneliness, anger, relief, or even feeling rejected. It is okay to feel these emotions as everyone processes their feelings differently and at different rates. The emotions you are experiencing at this moment may come and go in waves and will not last forever.
As hard as it may seem right now, it is important that you try and take care of yourself as best as you can, so that you can also tend to your children’s needs. This may include:
You are undergoing a major transition in your life. Sometimes support from friends and family may not be enough. It is okay to ask for professional help. If you are experiencing depression or having suicidal thoughts, it is important that you reach out to your GP or other professionals.
Tending to your children’s needs after separation
Your children may be experiencing the same emotions you are feeling, and it is important for you not to rely on them for support, but for you to support them instead of through this difficult time. You can put your children’s needs first by:
Things you should be mindful not to do:
All children will react to the separation in different ways, for instance, they may act out or start behaving differently. If you are worried about their behaviour, it is important that you reach out to your children’s GP or other professionals.
Parenting arrangements after separation
Having children with your former partner will mean that you will continue to have ties. Sometimes reaching a mutual agreement for parenting arrangements can be challenging, but it is vital to reach a workable agreement.
Parenting arrangements can be an oral agreement, a written parenting plan, or a formal agreement put into a court order known as “consent orders”.
It is best to get a written agreement signed and dated by both parents. Parenting plans and consent orders both must be written, signed and dated by both parents. However, parenting plans are not legally enforceable.
Regardless, parenting agreements should cover the pragmatics of parental responsibilities such as:
In instances where parents have difficulty communicating, a helpful tool that can be used is a communication book. This can be a physical book where each parent can write notes about anything the other parent should know in relation to the children. This is exchanged during the changeover and can be used to avoid disputes between parents.
Both parents must agree to the arrangement unless the court orders that one particular parent can make decisions on their own. Parenting agreements can vary depending on your family and individual circumstances, along with your relationship with your former partner. It is important to stick to the agreed arrangements. The agreement will not be valid if it is made under threat, duress or coercion.
Read more about parenting and child custody arrangements.